Whether your marriage is already thriving or just barely surviving, here are 3 important reasons to set marriage goals for your Christian marriage.

After eight years of marriage, my husband and I did something we never did before. We set marriage goals.

While traveling in the car on a recent out-of- state family trip, I confessed to my husband that I always esteem to set goals, but honestly feel that they’re pointless sometimes (as a stay-at-home mom of little ones). I envision spending an hour breaking down “the perfect day” into regimented time blocks filled with my typical duties as a stay-at-home mom—cooking, cleaning, running errands, managing laundry, and keeping our children happy and entertained—only to feel completely deflated when the day unfolds with unexpected events, turning my perfectly-planned day into a seemingly fruitless effort, a classic #momfail.

So, to avoid the guilt and frustration that follows, I’ve simply given up setting ANY goals…at least daily goals, where my natural (sinful) tendency is to place my sense of worth and purpose in my accomplishments rather than joyful worship of my Lord.

My husband’s response to my goal-setting fears was a simple question: “If you were to set one goal as a wife, what would it be?”

This jumpstarted our conversation on specific goals we’d like to achieve (as individuals and as a couple) in the next 3 months. Nothing super complicated, but thoughtful, intentional goals we believe we could realistically complete.

For example, our goals included daily prayer for each other, giving our full attention (no more “listening” while staring at our phones!), and how we will share the meal planning/cooking responsibilities in our home each week.

Why You Need Marriage Goals

Why is it so important to set marriage goals?

1. The intended purpose of marriage is to reflect the gospel.

First and foremost, the marriage relationship is meant to reflect the gospel, a miniature example of the love of Christ and his bride—the church. (Ephesians 5:30-31)

First and foremost, the marriage relationship is meant to reflect the gospel, a miniature example of the love of Christ and his bride—the church. (Ephesians 5:30-31)Click To Tweet

Setting specific goals in your marriage is vital to improving the overall health and holiness of your marriage. Your relationship with your spouse doesn’t need to be failing to benefit from marriage goals. On the contrary, as believers who strive to walk more intimately with our Lord each day, we can always make improvements as an individual (husband or wife) AND as a married couple to grow closer to Christ (and, in the process, our spouse).

2. Marriage goals serve as regular checkups with your spouse.

Secondly, setting marriage goals is a preventative measure, similar to providing routine maintenance on your car. Regular “checkups” in your marriage give you the chance to catch anything serious before it becomes a major problem. A well-maintained car (and marriage) will require fewer urgent—and costly—repairs than one with missed checkups.

Just as vehicles come with an owner’s manual to instruct us on the type of fuel with which to fill the tank and the recommended frequency of changing the oil or timing belt, God also provides us with his manual on life—including a thriving marriage—the Bible.

Just as vehicles come with an owner’s manual to instruct us...God also provides us with his manual on life—including a thriving marriage—the Bible.Click To Tweet

There is no shortage of Scripture passages instructing us on how to treat others (this includes your spouse!). A few are:

• Be selfless (Philippians 2:3-4)
• Be quick to hear and slow to anger (James 1:19-20)
• Confess your sins to one another (James 5:16)
• Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32)
• Love one another (John 13:34-35)

Regularly checking in with each other allows you to assess how you’re doing in these areas. Ask your spouse directly, “How do you think I’m doing with listening to you?”—and be prepared to humbly accept their response! They know you best, and may be aware of an area of sin you’re overlooking. Strive to be the one to ask your spouse about your own faults, rather than pointing out his/her shortcomings unannounced.

3. Setting marriage goals improves your communication.

Lastly, I believe that setting marriage goals are important simply because you are talking to your spouse (again, regularly) about topics that may not otherwise come up. Let’s face it—life is busy, and we don’t always take the time to share how we really feel about what we’d like to achieve in life, let alone future months and years.

By setting aside a designated time to brainstorm a few basic goals, and later check on your progress, you have the opportunity to dream a little with your spouse. What personal changes would you each like to make? Where would you like your marriage to be in a year? Is there another family/married couple you’d like to learn from? What concerns you about yourself and/or your marriage?

There are many questions you could ask to think through specific goals for your marriage. It can be lighthearted, or it may be brutal honesty. Bottom line: you’re communicating, and when done honestly and humbly, this will grow your relationship!

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Serious About Improving Your Marriage? Take the Challenge!

We're hosting a FREE challenge to encourage Christian wives to pray for their husbands for 7 days! This is a FREE email challenge based on Scripture, so you will receive daily emails to encourage you to pray for the various needs and responsibilities of your husband -- based on biblical teaching.

You'll pray for his: sanctification, leadership, needs, job, and more! We even have a coordinating prayer journal you can use to jot down your personalized prayers, truths you are learning, and Scripture verses!